Long time no see... Happy Birthday to me!

My day is finally winding down, and I'm sitting here on the eve of my birthday just flooded with gratitude. My heart is so full that gratitude is spilling out of my eyes. 😉

Besides the fact that I am here watching my kids grow up, I spend my days doing what I love. I get to teach fitness and meet amazing people and develop special friendships. I get to teach dance and share an art form that is just part of who I am. I'm so passionate about both of these things that I often drive those around me crazy with the pressure that I put on myself to never get stagnant and to always try to improve my skills and knowledge. 

It's very confusing though because, while I AM grateful, I also deal with immense guilt for surviving. Especially when I hear of  another person's loved one whose body was ravaged by cancer and are no longer with us. It's a weird guilt that tends to keep me as a distant observer, rather than a supporter. I feel bad about this. My doctor actually told me I was suffering from PTSD from all of the trauma, but this is something I want to change about my life this next year. To get out of myself and reach out to others who I may be able to help because of my experiences. Maybe writing here on this page,  like I used, to will help me better process my feelings.

Getting me to the age I am now was a bumpy road. I fought very hard to be able to have the privilege of getting older, and I actually love it. I didn't know if I would get to turn 31, and here I am at my 37th birthday! It's like every birthday is a badge of honor. 

Cancer has a way of rippling through your life forever. Never letting you fully move on from it. Kind of like a forever stalker. I have daily reminders of what my body has been through. Most of the pains and discomforts I experience I hide from most people because I feel like my reality makes them uncomfortable. And that's ok. When people are curious though, and ask me questions, I don't mind talking about it. Surviving cancer played a big part in who I am and, even if it brings a few tears  to my eyes, I appreciate being able to share. 

That leads right into my reason fo wanting to blog again. To tell more of how life is now. I'm happy to be getting older. I'm privileged to be able to see my kids grow up. They are turning into cool people. I'm honored to be able to teach both adults and children about the things that I love. I'm fortunate to be able to be with my sweetheart husband and I am grateful for his never ending patience and love for me. 

Thank you for any part that you all have played in getting me to this point. Monetary donations, dinners, childcare, cleaning, driving, prayers, notes, and much, much more. I just want everyone to know I am grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you. Here's to another year full of life!