Roads

What do you do when you are forced to drive down a one way road and suddenly realize that you aren't sure if this is the road that leads to the place you want to go? People that you love are telling you that this is the right road, and that the destination will be somewhere you want to be...but you're having serious doubts. But is there another route you can take? You never even thought to ask that question before. You take your eyes off of the road that you are on and you suddenly realize that there are all sorts of roads to take that you didn't see before. All with great possibilities of great destinations. There are so many roads in fact that it becomes confusing which way is right. It's not just a fork in the road, there are roads all over. Some paved...some well worn with use and others look as if they were just carved out. To keep from going farther down a road that could be a wrong choice, you stop the car....seems reasonable. Stop the car until you can determine which direction to go. "No, no! Keep on this road! You can think of where you want to go while you drive", say some of the people around you. "But what happens if I pass the right road, the one that goes where I want to go, and I don't know it?" You ask, realizing you can't turn around on a one way road...you can only go forward.

Well that's where I am. I have stopped the car. Please don't judge my choice. Even if you, or someone you know and love went through conventional chemo with success, I am currently looking at all of my options. Why not??? Isn't this one of the most important decisions that I'll make in my life? I only plan on being treated for cancer once and I want to get it right. To do what's right for me, my body and my family. I won't sit here on the road for too long, just long enough to learn and choose. Learn about my situation, learn about Hodgkin Lymphoma, and choose the best path to take. As this is a stressful and huge choice I ask that you pray for me. That my mind may be clear so I can listen to the heavenly promptings that will guide my choices.

I have struggled with whether or not to blog about this. It is such a personal choice and I don't want to insult anyone, spark controversy, or be criticized. But I ultimately decided that this is a part of my journey that I need to document. This thing that I'm going through will be a huge part of who I am after I am all done with this whole thing. Oh how I wish this was easier. I have decided that I am not battling cancer...I am fighting for health...for my future. I will find a way to beat this cancer down in a way that will leave me a long, healthy, vibrant future to look forward to with my family. I will. What I decide is right for me may not be right for someone else. But I know that I will have the support of my friends and family as they love me through my journey.