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Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Whiny? Angry?
Don't get me wrong...I'm very positive about my treatment and the outcome of it, but I'm not going to lie...this sucks. Chemo sucks. I miss myself. Energetic, silly, slightly annoying to normal adults. And I've only had one treatment so far. Now I have to go back and let them do this to me again and again. I want to play and have fun with my kids. To not be so worried about which medicine I need next so I don't throw up on everyone. I sound pretty whiny right now, but I want this blog to be real. What I really feel. Even if it is whiny sometimes. It's too much pressure to be positive, happy and patient all of the time. Under that pressure I would break. So if you're reading my posts and ever get tired of the whiny or angry ones, just skip them. They are more for me. A kind of therapy. I am hoping that being able purge the feelings from my soul will help me function better in my life. To get used to my new "normal". The new me....for a while. I so look forward to having my life back. I took it for granted before.
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Purge away!! These are your real feelings, good and bad. I love reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to feel these feelings. They are real, and if you didn't have them you wouldn't be real. It really is OK! And you are so right, purge them away. It will help the soul. I'm following you here! I can't wait to see you in less than a month!
ReplyDeleteWrong! Wrong! Wrong!
ReplyDeleteOf all people that I have ever met, you do not take life for granted! Someone who spends hundreds and sometimes thousands of hours playing video games and watching TV while they grow lazy and fat (myself included), have taken life for granted. You, however, have always grabbed life by the nards! As a child, you took kung fu and won trophies for fighting in major competitions; You were on the city swim team, the Marlins, and swam many races; You were in community theater, and took lots of daces lessons; You were in band, drill team, and tossed rifles and flags during high school football games; You attended uplifting concerts and musicals, and were active in your church; You sang in talent shows and school and church choirs; You participated in many volunteer activities that helped others; You married 1 great guy and are raising 4 rambunctious kids, and have worked very hard to change the lives of others by becoming a certified Zumba Instructor! In short, most people pale in comparison with you, and these are just the few things this old dusty brain can recall. Everyone feeds off of your energy because OF your NATURAL zest for living, and this dumb 'ol cancer cannot and will not change that!
Pops
Val, you go right out there and complain all you want, I only wish I could be there to listen in person. Reading your minor complaints for a mjor problem only encourages me to ignore my petty complaints I do day to day. I love you and thanks for really letting us know how you feel. Go get um girl.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your dad! Your energy and love for life have always amazed me. If you need a break and need to complain or not feel good, have at it! You know you will be back to normal in time, let your body heal from this nasty cancer and it will be all good! Love ya@
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't be believable if you were happy all the time. What you're going through is real and the angry feelings are real. And honestly, I've read every one of your posts so far and I'm really surprised there isn't more whining and anger in there. You have so much positivity in the face of this hideous life sucking parasite, it's truly inspiring! I know it will get harder and uglier because I'm watching two other friends who have been going through it for a while now, but it can be beat! You're awesome! Thank you for being brave enough to share all of this.
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