Friday, July 1, 2011

Latest MRI Results

The dark clouds that once hung over me, trying to bring me down have parted. The radiant sun, warm and wonderful, is now shining down on me! I didn't let the darkness get the best of me, but it is so wonderful to see the light and feel so blessed!

To catch you up from my last post I did get a second opinion. The second Dr saw something TOTALLY different than the first. He was concerned about my uterus and some lymph node activity in my abdomen.(*sigh*) So with that I went to get an MRI of my torso and abdomen, with and without contrast...which means it was a loooong scan. It took over an hour! That's a long time for anyone to hold still...especially for me! But with some minor muscle cramping, and having to ignore a few itches, I did it!

The results call came yesterday morning...and by now you have probably figured out that they are WONDERFUL!!!
*happy dance*

Everything looks great! (Well most everything...but I'll get to that later.) There were many concerns from my last PET scan and they were all put to rest. No abnormal lymph node activity in my abdomen, my uterus is fine and no abnormal lymph node activity around my heart!!! Super-duper yay!

I feel such joy in my heart! and I am so grateful and humbled that I have made it through to the other side. I always knew I'd be ok. I just knew it. Hard to explain. I knew that this was an experience that I had to endure and endure well. That there was a lot to learn. Though I would be lying if I said this feeling came right away. I was so fearful in the beginning that cancer would take me away from the things that I prize most in the sweet children, my husband. There was just so much fear around even saying the "c word". But with information and a lot of praying I finally felt peace and a faith that I cannot describe. I just knew I'd be ok, though I didn't know what the journey would be like. I had to take my faith, and hold onto it with both hands, and hand over the process to the lord. However long it takes, however it will happen, I just knew it would.

I've often said to Jess (my husband) that I wish there was another was to say "I love you". The phrase can be so overused and when you really want to express deep love for someone it seems far too simple. I feel this way with "thank you" now too. All I can hope is that the spirit with which I say it can come through my writing. Thank you for supporting us. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for donating money, prayers, meals, rides, babysitting, photo sessions, house cleaning, encouraging notes, visits, fun gifts and friendship. I know there is more. The community support that I have felt will be forever a golden memory for me throughout my life. I make it a point to count my blessings. Please know that I always count you.

We have all sent up our petitions to heaven for my healing, now lets send up our thanks and praise to Him. We must not be like the 9 lepers that forgot to give thanks.

So while we are all feeling all warm and fuzzy, and focusing on our blessings I'll just briefly mention that there is a "new spot". A small amount of activity on the right side of my body by my collar bone. It's 1.4 cm x 1.8 cm. We are going to watch it and get another PET scan in 6-8 months. It's really not a big deal, just something to be aware of. But I feel like we are in control of the cancer, it is not controlling us.

I am in remission...I am not "cancer free", nor will I ever be. Remission means "a temporary or permanent stage when cancer is not active and symptoms disappear." Cancer free is, in my opinion, overused and misused. Once you have cancer you are never free of it. It is like a monster in a closed closet. Trying to scare you, but you keep shutting the door in it's face. Having cancer is an experience that will change you forever. It has changed me, my family, my marriage and my faith. All for the better. I am actually grateful for it. Crazy me! :)

So there it is! Hard to believe that this girl, who has had more Dr appointments in the last year than I've had my entire life, can take a breather. Breathing is good. Breathe and enjoy life. And again....