Friday, December 2, 2011

Chemo Week 1 Report (Part 2)

 ...continued from last post...

Making it through Thursday was a feat, but then came Friday morning. A morning I will remember forever. Both for terrible and beautiful reasons.
When my 6am alarm went off I felt ok...until I moved. Uh oh...this isn't good. The nausea was back with a vengeance. My world was not right and my stomach was in knots. This Friday was not a special day and Jess had long left for work. I was alone and I had to get three boys up and  ready for school. I am still a mom with kids to take care of.
As I started to get out of bed I realized that my arm was also screaming at me.  And for good reason too...I had missed a dose of one of my pain medications. It felt like someone had taken a hammer to my forearm and elbow while I was sleeping.The bottle was downstairs. Dang.
With all of the strength that I could muster I literally staggered out of my room. The nausea was ripping at my stomach and spinning my head. I needed to get downstairs to my medicine. As I made it down the hallway I opened Joey's door. "Time to wake up Joe. I need you to get up and get dressed." I tried my best to disguise my voice, as if I felt fine. Trying to sound cheerful, like I usually do in the mornings. Further down the hallway this repeated at Andrew's room. Neither of them budged, but I couldn't care. I needed to get downstairs.
As I made my way down I could hear my oldest, Matthew, up Iand doing stuff. "Thank goodness." I thought. "One less kid to wake up."
I literally stumbled into the kitchen where my pain medicine was and just grabbed the bottle. I knew I had to lay down, and I had a plan as to where the perfect place would be. Near the bottom of our stairs is very central to our house. I knew that I could talk to pretty much any of the boys from there, no matter where they were.
I made it there, fumbled with opening my my bottle (I still can't use my right hand well) took my pills, and layed down. Just as I got there Matthew noticed me. "Are you going to throw up?" He had concern in his voice, yet a very direct tone. "Yes, probably..." and he was gone before I could say any more.
Still no movement upstairs from the younger boys so I muscled through another stomach cramp before calling to them, "c'mon boys, I need you to get up." Next thing I know my sweet 11 year old, Matthew, has brought me a tall glass of water and a large metal bowl. He places them beside my head on the carpet, and I look up at him. "Thanks!" "You're welcome."
The nausea is so strong I put my head down. I hated that he was seeing me like this. Then I hear his voice coming from upstairs waking up his brothers. "C'mon guys! Get up. Mom doesn't feel good." Then...I threw up. Matthew's bowl and drink of water were much appreciated!
Just as I was finishing up (thank goodness) Joey came down. Dressed and ready to go. He didn't say anything, just came and layed next to me. "Hey sweetie...I'm ok...I promise. I need you to go eat breakfast ok?" He nodded, smiled softly and went into the kitchen. I could already hear that Matt was in there too. He came out to check on me. I asked him for some tissues to blow my nose and if Andrew, the youngest, was up. Not long after that Andrew trampled down the stairs.
As he approaches me laying on the floor he asks, "Are you sick mommy? Is that bowl so you can throw up?"..."yep" I get out. "I need you to go eat breakfast ok?"..."k". And he gives me a quick hug and goes to the kitchen. But just for a moment to come back with the question, "mom, can we have eggs for breakfast?"
I had to chuckle a little. I obviously was not in any condition to provide a hot breakfast this morning. I had actually thrown up again. But...I knew that I had taught Matt to cook himself scrambled eggs recently and he had done it a few times, but he had never cooked for everyone. "You will have to ask Matthew if he feels like making everyone eggs." Matt jumped at the idea and did an amazing job scrambling up 10 eggs for him and his brothers! As I lay on the ground in pain and discomfort, it still amazed me that this was all going so smoothly!
I felt sicker than I ever have. So much that I couldn't get up from the floor. Yet we had one of our easiest mornings EVER! No fighting, no whining. Just cooperative boys, doing what they were supposed to and keeping an eye on me at the same time.
I have never felt so low, yet I have never ben so proud and in love with my boys. I hope they never have to see me like that again, but they sure did show me what they are made of.
Their ride arrived and they were off to school. Just another day to them, but one I had to tell the story of so they can read about it someday. So they know that they are my heros.


  1. Your kids are such angels! It tears at my heart hearing your stories. I hope that as the time passes, that your days get alot less painful and lors of help from the kids! Hugs Val, you are so strong! xoxo

  2. Oh my gosh! I'm totally bawling right now. That is the sweetest story ever! My son took care of me once when I was a single mom. I felt so bad because I had the flu so bad that I was pretty much in a similar condition you were in that story. I couldn't move. He was only 6 and was being totally neglected because I couldn't get out of bed and everyone I called couldn't come get him and take care of him. He came into my room late morning with a breakfast tray of cold cereal, toast, orange juice, and milk. I watched as he struggled to carry it in. He set it down with a thud and announced that he had cleaned the house and made me breakfast. It was the cutest thing.

    You've got amazing kids, Val. I am so sorry you have to go through this again. It makes me sick to think about it and read about it, but your stories of courage and strength are so inspiring. I swear I cry every time I read one of your posts because of the burning in my heart.

  3. I love you guys so much. Your kids are so amazing because of you!

  4. Oh Valerie! How this story makes my heart sing for you and your boys but of course lots of tears for the pain you are experiencing through this battle. You are in my prayers and I know your family will have a multitude of blessings as a result of your strength! Love ya!