Friday, September 7, 2012

"More Of Me To Love"

...more of me to love?!??
*sigh*
This was my radiation Dr's cute (and actually kind of funny) comment as he and I were discussing the weight gain and swelling in my face and body. Due to the steroid that I have to take until the tumor is under control, I am dealing with this very uncomfortable feeling. I hate it.

Being very fitness-minded since I was 13 years old, sometimes the mirror is a hard foe to face.

I guess I am more vain than I like to admit...lol. I'm a girl! ;)

I'm only comparing myself to myself of course. I know my body. I know how it should feel. Even post baby, when I've had extra weight to loose, my body NEVER felt like this.

I'm short, and have a small frame, so an extra 15-20 lbs (I hope not more...ahhh) is very noticeable.
I often feel like I have a layer (or two) of bubble wrap around me. I have actually lost muscle control...so weird. I hate drugs...

So this is my venting post for today, BUT HERE IS MY POSITIVE SPIN...

Yes. I'm getting bigger and self-concious...but I'm ALIVE!

Yes, I've gained weight...but we are shrinking the tumor!

Yes, I may be wearing workout pants all the time...but I'm going to LOVE shopping when this is all over!

Yes, I struggle with it emotionally...but the beautiful thing is that Jess makes me feel no less beautiful. He is the glue that holds me together.

"More of me to love" is ok while we shrink the tumor.

I accept it and I embrace my life with gratitude everyday.

6 comments:

  1. you are a rock star and such an inspiration.

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  2. Hey, at least you arent shrinking into nothing! I remember when you were first diagnosed and you lost so much weight, you were just bones! You didnt like that either :) So I am grateful for a "more to love" Valerie!

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  3. Being an extremely vain person, I would struggle so bad with the weight gain. I think that is what would make me cry the most. Valerie, you are so stinkin' lucky to have such an amazing husband and a positive attitude and so much love and support. Some of us aren't blessed with those things.

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  4. Thanks for sharing, Val. Love you so much and so proud of your example of courage, faith and strength!

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  5. You are amazing and beautiful!

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  6. Oh, Val, You are so gorgeous! Anyone who sees that huge beaming smile of yours knows that is comes from inside a beautiful soul- not just a pretty face. My mom is a tiny lady who has had to be on massive steroids and cancer drugs for years now, and she struggles with the same feeling. She always talks about how much she hates the "Fat face" effect. But she's my gorgeous mommy whether her face is chubby or not. You are gorgeous Val, with or without that 20 lbs :) And we love you!

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