So here is what's going on.
Like the title says, I was not able to go home today like I had wanted. It seriously broke my heart. I was looking forward to tucking my kids in and being held in my husbands arms. But three of my doctors are concerned about how many times this situation has recurred and want to do an extra test tomorrow. They are going to go into my spine and get a sample of my spinal fluid to look for anything off or cancer related there. If it is there, then it will add further treatment to my plan to try to cut the head off of this beast. If it is not there...well then we are throwing a party! Hehehe...seriously!
I am very, very scared of this procedure. It is very delicate and has to be exact, or there will be very negative side effects. One thing I am glad that is not being discussed anymore is a biopsy of the tumor in my brain. While I am unsettled about the idea of them going into my spine, I am frightened at the thought of them going into my head! That would be way worse. So I'm trying to focus there.
I also want to thank you for your love, concern and prayers.
I do have to admit that I blog for selfish reasons though. I blog for me. To keep my head straight. To figure out what I am thinking and to be better able to organize my thoughts and the facts. I tend to blog when I'm most scared or things are unknown. Kind of how I cope.
To know that I am not alone and that others are out there pulling for me, and thinking of us, helps me a lot. So know that I need you. I have always been the kind of person that loves to be surrounded by friends that feel support and love me. I've tried to be the kind of person that people want to love in the first place! But I just had to thank all of you for caring.
This is very scary. It never gets any easier. But I am strengthened by you. <3 div="div">
I will post an update as soon as I can as to how tomorrow goes.